it is well with my soul

Have you ever heard the phrase "growing pains?" Well this phrase has been the theme of my life the past 2 months. And without any bitterness, it is well with my soul. This post will be filled with what the Lord has been growing me through and refining me. So that being said, here goes nothing.


First off, I have been finding myself very, very tired lately not just physically but mostly spiritually. I have felt spent, poured out to the last drop. My core group and I are going through a daily devotion called "My Utmost for His Highest" (hence the title of my blog...) by Oswald Chambers and this certain day, I felt exhausted beyond my comfort.. when I came across the title for that days devotion... "Are You Exhausted Spiritually?" Immediately my heart begins to yearn for answers because maybe this could explain why I have been so tired lately. This is what my eyes began to read...


"Exhaustion means that our vital energies are completely worn out and spent. Spiritual exhaustion is never the result of sin, but of service. Whether or not you experience exhaustion will depend on where you get your supplies..." Ah ha! Did you catch that? My exhaustion is due to the fact of where I am receiving my supplies, my energy, my support. Right off the bat, I can see that I am relying on myself and this is the reason for my weariness. I must rely on Christ.. nothing. else.


Continuing on... "Jesus said to Peter, 'Feed my sheep,' but He gave him nothing with which to feed them (John 21:17). The process of being made broken bread and poured-out wine means that you have to be the nourishment for other people's souls until they learn to feed on God. They must drain you completely- to the very last drop..." Pause. Hold up. So you are telling me that in order for other people to rely on Christ completely that I have to be used up on their behalf? Yes yes and yes. It is my selfish tendency to want to always be poured into so that I am being spiritually encouraged and uplifted. If I only focused on being filled, what good is that for the advancement of the Kingdom? How selfish that I want my own gain and to not be poured out of what I receive!


"...We owe it to God to be our best for His lambs and sheep, as well as for Him." When I am focused on myself, I do myself harm, I am not ministering to others and I am not following in the footsteps of Christ. For even "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve." (Matthew 20:28)  I owe my whole self for Christ's service; this includes all my failures, insecurities, doubts, and weariness. All of it. He wants to use it ALL. That being said, He wants to use it for the sake of His lambs and sheep, not for the sake of myself.


"You have no right to complain, 'O Lord, I am so exhausted.' He saved and sanctified you to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that He is your supply. 'All My springs are in you' (Psalm 87:7). So it all makes sense. I have been exhausted because I have not been receiving my supply from Christ and since I have been focusing on myself, I have not been joyful in my exhaustion to see that Christ has chosen to use me for Him to reveal Himself to others. It is important to realize that He will reveal Himself to those He chooses, with or without me. I am humbled to know that He is using me to be a part of furthering His work.


Next, I have seen the Lord time after time remove certain things in my life to lift my eyes back to Him, where they should stay. Mainly, I have seen this in my friend life. It is not ironic that at the exact same time all my friends have seemed very distant and out of my life. I have spent nights crying, asking the Lord why none of my friends seem to care for me any more? Oh how blind I was. It is not my friend's lack of caring, but my extreme focus I was giving them. Now I have realized that when I take my eyes off Him, it is detrimental to me. When something is in my view of Him, I slight Him and it doesn't hurt Him, it destroys me.


This has been the process of Christ tearing distractions out of my life, one by one. "Over and over again God has to remove our friends in order to bring Himself in their place, and that is where we faint and fail and get discouraged. Take it personally: in the year that the one who stood to me for all that God was, died- I gave up everything? I became ill? I got disheartened? OR- I saw the Lord?" (Beth Moore Breaking Free) Christ loves me enough to remove idols so that He takes back His place and fully reigns over my life, no matter how painful. I am thankful to know that He has not given up on me, even after I have taken my eyes off of Him and have chosen things over Him. I am so devastated to think that time after time when I am seeking fulfilment in friendships, materials, etc. Christ is standing right in front of me yelling "I'm over here! Come to ME! I am ALL you need! Only I can satisfy ALL your desires!" yet I cannot see Him nor hear Him for I am focused on other things. If I do not remove idols in my life, Christ will gladly remove them for me until I see Him for who He is and fall to my knees in awe of who He is.


Once again, this has been a time of growing and pain. But I should not become discouraged, disheartened, or give up because I know He is refining me, shaping me to become more like Him. And God will continue to point idols out in my life with persistence until I become entirely His.


Count it ALL joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let that steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)


In this world, you will have trials, but take heart! For I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)




Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!




it is well, it is well with my soul.














bless